Image via Google via some vindictive elf
Santa is coming
The little boy said
He comes down the chimney
While I’m snug in my bed
He brings me the toys
That I’ve wanted all year
He eats half a cookie
And drinks seven beers
He opens the fridge
For a post midnight snack
He drinks all the eggnog
Infused with cognac
He lies on the couch
And he flips on the tube
He surfs all the channels
He’s looking for boobs
He finally stops clicking
He’s found Cinemax
Santa takes off his pants
So that he can relax
He passes out there
And he snores ’til the morn’
That’s when mother starts screaming
About eggnog and porn
I don’t understand
Why my mother’s so mad
Oh, shit, that’s not Santa
It’s my crazy, drunk dad
-Bill McMorrow
Bill McMorrow 
Whew, I was this close to becoming Jewish.
Dreidel’s are the shit! Look at that thing spinnin’ all around and what not? Who needs Christmas!