Bill McMorrow is a caucasian male who is licensed to drive a car, van, or light truck in and around the state of Massachusetts. He used to have beautiful flowing hair in the style of Nikki Sixx or Crystal Gale. But all good things must pass, and Bill’s hairline was no exception. He’s now known to rock a more sensible ‘do, in the style of a boys regular..He is universally recognized for his ability to know when someone is about to tell a knock-knock joke, and is also known for his steadfast refusal to answer the door.

Li'l Billy

December 10th, 2010
I was 40 years old in this picture. I age well. It’s genetics.

Bill McMorrow is a 43-year-old happily married orphan currently available for adoption to a loving, stable home. Mother and Father. Two Mommies. Two Daddies. Single Parent. It does not matter. Bill McMorrow doesn’t discriminate like that. Bill McMorrow discriminates based on what TV shows you watch, like a cultured gentleman does.

All that is required is unconditional love, unlimited Crystal Light iced tea, and HBO. You will definitely need to have HBO.

Plus he’ll need some walking around money. You wouldn’t want him getting arrested for vagrancy, would you? That would reflect badly on you as a parent, having your child picked up for vagrancy. People would refer to you as “neglectful”. That looks good on a resume.

You’re also gonna have to pay his mortgage.


If you feel you meet the criteria, you can contact him at Or if you want to tell him you aren’t capable of adopting him, because you can’t even handle your own shit on a consistent basis, let alone taking on the awesome responsibility of raising a child, that’s cool too. Either way.

Let’s be honest about it. His chances of being adopted at this stage in the game are fuckin’ slim to none. Statistically, an orphan is fifty percent less likely to be adopted after their 40th birthday. That’s a fact.

50 responses »

  1. clownonfire says:

    Tell Bill he’s been blogrolled.

  2. Tim says:

    what the fuck is an 8 foota and when are you gonna grow your hair back and be cool again .

    • billmcmorrow says:

      Hahaha, fucking 8 footas! I wish the hair could be as long and luscious as it once was, but both age and my wife have conspired against me. I’m still pretty fucking cool though. Just ask me.

  3. Bill,
    Are you kicking back in a half-shirt with a bottle of Jager listening to Dokken and reading my entire body of work? You’re AWESOME! Thanks for all the likes!

  4. becca3416 says:

    It’s not genetics Bill, it’s the magic of redheadedness. People tell me I don’t look a day over 6 months! I am 24!

  5. Please submit your list of favo(u)rite bands, and we’ll see….

  6. robincoyle says:

    I’ll adopt you as long as you mow the lawn, clean the pool, and take out the garbage. Deal?

    Thanks for the follow.

  7. […] Bill McMorrow‘s comedy blog was featured on WordPress’ Freshly Pressed in November. In his own words, Bill is “a caucasian male who is licensed to drive a car, van, or light truck in and around the state of Massachusetts.” In my words, Bill is a hilarious comedian who also seems to know a lot about superheroes. Have a read… […]

  8. Hi! I’ve nominated you for the very inspiring blog award ~ it will be published Sat 1/5/2013.

  9. […] we definitely did not look like. Except for Bill, who totally looked like that guy in the front, but instead he was chugging Mountain […]

  10. “About Bill Bill McMorrow” was a very good read and thus I really was really
    content to come across the blog. Regards,Jamal

  11. […] I read Bill McMorrow, I can’t help but recall memories from my past, memories that for whatever reason, are distant […]

  12. Hi Bill.

    My name is Kevin Gillespie. I do, MUCH prefer however, to be called Kev. :). I live in Wales. :).

    I am now ‘Following’ your Blog. 🙂

  13. One of the best ‘Abouts” it’s been my pleasure to grin at

  14. Animockery says:

    Thanks for following our blog. Great about page, funny, got me to laugh and disrupt the cubical zombies around me.

  15. […] talking about vagina? I mean, I know she’s extraordinary, but why suddenly all the hoopla? Bill McMorrow “liked” my vagina no less than 34 times. The great Le Clown was even fooled and […]

  16. REDdog says:

    Fucking awesome! Right, I’m off to get a slab of Kilkenny before I read your entire catalogue, it might take until I’m half way through to catch up to your twisted thinking (maybe then all this stuff will start making sense) but I’m up for it…Respect man REDdog

    • Thank you very much for the kind fucking words man! I followed you back and shall be perusing your writing very soon. Loved your About page. You sound right up my alley as well. Thanks again!

      • REDdog says:

        Awesome! I have Bill McMurray stalking my shit? It doesn’t get much better than that mate. Welcome aboard, and thanks for wasting time at Shed Reflections. Cheers Rd

  17. […] Bills, McMorrow and Friday, Aunt Sandee… and Fishy with […]

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