Bullying is a hot topic in today’s world. No, not the Hot Topic at the mall where you buy all your body glitter and nose rings, you slut. I mean a hot topic as in a widely discussed issue.

“Prepare to eat my fuck, mean old Buddy Hinton”

Face it, kids are mean. Not necessarily on purpose, but mean is mean regardless of intent. They’re even meaner when they come in packs, like wolves or cigarettes. Back in simpler times bullies just did their dickhead thing at school and then went back to their shitty homes where they were probably bullied by their shitty parents. It’s a vicious cycle.

In the Internet age, it seems like its harder and harder to get away from these assholes. With the advent of social networking, or anti-social networking as it were, the bullying can follow you home. I feel bad for the kids that have to deal with that nonsense non-stop. Almost everyday you hear something in the news about some poor kid taking their own life because they couldn’t stand it anymore. The name calling, whispering and physical abuse. That’s fucking unacceptable. When you’re a teenager every decision or action seems like life or death. What you wear, who your friends are, what kind of car your parents drive, etc. As you get older, you realize that it doesn’t matter what any of those twatsicles think. What that goofy fuckstick in 8th grade thinks of you will have no consequence on your life. None! Chances are you won’t even remember their name.But at the time it seems like it’s the only thing that matters. Every day is spent dealing with someone else’s shitty outlook on life. And that really sucks.

If I had my way every bully would be held down and taunted about their stupid haircut or ill-fitting attire, or their pug ugly mugs and woefully unkempt unibrows . I would vociferously pontificate on their shitty test scores and barely functional illiteracy. I would wax poetic on their inevitable future full of low paying jobs and failed marriages, all wrapped in a foggy shroud of alcoholism and drug addiction until they cried and maybe peed their pants. I would ask them why they were hitting themselves. Then I would take their lunch money and give them a wedgie. Yes, I see the irony, Alanis.

One of the most effective ways of dealing with a bully, besides cold-cocking them in the snot locker, is through laughter. Although it can be hard to take the abuse with a smile on your face, nothing shuts a bully up quicker than showing them what they think doesn’t matter to you. Besides the aforementioned haymaker to the proboscis. The ability to laugh at yourself is maybe the single most important skill you can possess to combat a bully. Besides a scary big brother, or a sweet pair of nunchucks or throwing stars.

I grew up in an “affluent” town, but we weren’t wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. My mother died when I was 11, and my father turned to drinking to cope with it. Money was tight and new, hip clothes didn’t exist in my world. It was mostly K-Mart and second-hand clothes. I used the old make fun of myself before you can do it routine, and it worked. But by not caring, or not showing that I cared, I was able to deflect criticisms aimed at me. At least in public. It still bothered me, but what fun is it laughing at someone who laughs at themselves?

Not much.

Besides, I made some really sweet nunchucks out of a mop handle and some chain.

Always have a backup plan, fuckers.

16 responses »

  1. Smaktakula says:

    Baby talk, baby talk–it’s a wonder you can walk!

  2. free penny press says:

    I’ll trip a bully in a New York Minute.. one of life’s wasted people. as for the nunchucks, very smart of you grasshopper!!

  3. […] Tell A Bully That They Suck, And Show Them You Don’t Give A Fuck  Share this:Like this:LikeBe the first to like this. Published: July 19, 2012 Filed Under: Gay Tags: bully : bullying : civil rights : comedy : gay : lesbian : lgbt : school […]

  4. Loved it. I don’t think I haven’t loved anything you’ve written. 🙂

  5. Mike says:

    Well it took 40 years but now you have a scary big brother..HAHAHAHA

  6. A great post! I’ve always felt that bullies needed love and attention and it’s a sad state when you propose the life they probably lead. I see some bullying tendancies in my grandson. He can be pushy and controlling. Very frightening. We are doing everything we can to make sure he doesn’t keep up with his pushyness and bossy tendancies, and help him understand why he feels he must resort to near force to be in charge. If more parents took care of their kids, we’d have less bullying. Unfortunately, some people want to stay stupid. I want my grandson to act the big brother, not the big bully. I guess other people don’t care.

    • billmcmorrow says:

      Thanks for reading it. I think it’s harder these days also because of the inability to discipline a child without fear of reprisal from the law. Now, theres an obvious distinction between discipline and abuse, but a smack on the ass or even the threat of one was quite a powerful motivational tool whenst I was a younger boy. Good luck with your grandson, and thanks again.

  7. billmcmorrow says:

    Clown,
    Sometimes I get slightly serious. And you might say that, I’ll allow it.

    Le Bill

  8. Great post Bill. Like so many others, I was bullied in high school and actually attempted to take my own life twice. I am glad that the problem is being dealt with so seriously now and that so many are talking openly about it. I hope things change as a result.

    Unfortunately, it has been brought to my attention recently that I am a bit of a bully myself. I don’t know how this happened but apparently I intimidate others and am often seen as mean. This isn’t intentional and the only people that might be recipients of this so called mean behavior are loud and obnoxious, not unlike the bullies I had to deal with as a kid. They may not have been my own personal demons, but I’m almost sure that they’ve haunted a couple of people in the past. I’m not saying it’s right, just the way things seem to be now.

    I enjoyed your post and I may be back. 🙂

  9. thewhitetrashgourmet says:

    Twatscicle! One of my favorite words (especially while driving). I’ve thankfully raised two gentle giants. Strong boys that wouldn’t hurt a fly. Nice one 🙂

  10. Sadly, the bullying doesn’t end in high school. I had a bully boss and she was horrible. The best defense was to act happy about whatever “punishment” she tried to dole out to me. Blew her mind. Was very, very happy to get away from there. Why do they promote these people to management?

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