That broads fucking crazy

It’s Summertime.

The dog days of Summer. Heat and humidity really take a toll on a young boys ability to blog. Oh there are ideas and what not, but no good ones. At least none that are seen to fruition. How many times can you write about exactly what you would do for a Klondike bar?… 50?…. 100? Here’s an easier question. What wouldn’t I do for a Klondike bar?

  1.  I wouldn’t take the Lord’s name in vain for a Klondike bar….. Jesus Christ guys, I’m kidding. I would totally diss God for free ice cream. That’s a no-brainer.
  2.  I wouldn’t punch a new-born baby in the face while anyone was looking, for a Klondike bar. Once again, no-brainer. But give me 5 minutes alone with that bundle of joy and someone’s getting some free ice cream….. I meant me. Although I suppose I should get the baby one too. Maybe that will shut him or her up. Waaaaahhhhh!!! A little advice: Learn to take a punch, kid. Life is full of ’em.
  3. I wouldn’t go swimming in the ocean for a Klondike bar. Apparently there are sharks in the ocean. They’ve been all over the news the last few weeks. Sharks off the coast of Cape Cod. In the water? who’d a thunk it…..I would totally take a dip in a pool or freshwater lake for one though….Wait, was Jaws 4 set in someones swimming pool? Fuck it, can I take a bath for one?
  4. I wouldn’t get a face tattoo for a Klondike bar. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I’ve always felt that you should only get a face tattoo out of love. Or have it forced upon you in some type of prison rape scenario. Like in the Bible.

And that’s about it. I would do just about anything else for a Klondike bar. Yeah, I know I didn’t put murder, or banging a dude on the list. But I didn’t put a lot of shit on the list.

Hey, it’s free ice cream.

Free…. Ice….Cream.

10 responses »

  1. thewhitetrashgourmet says:

    I like your style, man.

  2. I would substitute a Maker’s for a klondike bar. Personal taste. =)

  3. paralaxvu says:

    Finally, something I know that you don’t! Geez, it took long enuff!

  4. J.D. says:

    I would tattoo your face for a Klondike bar.

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