Don’t Worry Doc, That’s Not My Lovemaking Wrist

The doctor said, “Make sure you keep it elevated”. I said, “Don’t worry Doc, it’s what I fuckin’ do”

Dear Reader,

What’s up my friend? Long time, no blog. Sometimes shit happens. That’s what a bumper sticker told me one time, and bumper stickers don’t lie. Plus I saw it on a t-shirt, so…..
It’s been over two weeks since my last post…Two Weeks! That’s right, there are fourteen day old babies running around the world who don’t even realize billmcmorrow.com exists. That is unacceptable in any language. But since English is my primary and only language, I’ll say it in English. It is unacceptable. Cut the shit stupid, adorable, defenseless babies!
I haven’t written because of a few reasons. I’ve suffered from of lack of writing time due to the fact that I’ve been doing more stand up comedy lately. Which is a blast, but also cuts into precious night-time writing. That blows because stupid work cuts into precious daytime writing. Very little time in betwixt day and night.
Also, I’ve had a hard time coming up with ideas to blog about. Well, not entirely. I have ideas that I have started and stopped. I have like 12 drafts going on simultaneously. Well, you know what William Shakespeare said, “The first fifty blog posts are the easiest, but post fifty-one is gonna be a motherfucker, motherfucker”. Well said Shakespeare, kind of vulgar and prophetic, but well said. I guess that’s why you’re the bard.
On Friday I had surgery to re-attach the left radial nerve in my hand, due to a work injury (bottom photo) This is the first surgery I’ve ever had. I was somewhat apprehensive about it because I watch the news. I know there are unscrupulous doctors are out there hoping to harvest my stem cells to create a race of super babies who have the ability to take over the world. You need to cut the shit as well, stupid, adorable, genetically altered and well armed super babies.
In a defensive countermeasure I had all my stem cells removed and placed in a Zip-Lock bag that I stored in my wife’s pocketbook for safekeeping. I was going to use a Zip-Lock freezer bag, but I usually like to keep my stem cells at a steamy 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit. Also my wife’s pocketbook isn’t refrigerated. She offered to immediately go shopping for a new one, because she loves me. But in the interest of not going pocketbook shopping, I talked her out of it.
I had the operation at New England Baptist Surgical Center even though I’m not Baptist. Apparently the Baptists are cool with that, I never asked. They didn’t even try to convert me or anything as far as I recall. I was a little doped up. I was hoping for one of those fun gospel sing-a-longs that I’ve seen in the moving pictures and what not, but no dice. That would have been fun. I love when the people faint. It’s my favorite part.
The surgery went well and now it’s just a matter of letting it heal.
And putting all these stem cells back. How do you do that?
Never mind, I’ll ask Jeeves.