I'll give you a tumor if you don't go the fuck to sleep.

We send our children to school to learn things. Wait, I don’t have kids. You send your children to school to learn things. Things that will help them get through the rigors of life. Things like reading, writing, and arithmetic. Or the 3 R’s as some dummy labeled them years ago. I prefer to think of it as learning the art of WAR. Of course you’d have to juxtapose the positioning to Writing, Arithmetic, and Reading, and spell them right. But that doesn’t rhyme with “sung to the tune of a hickory stick”, so maybe that’s what that’s all about.
The thing that bothers me about elementary school, or grade school, is how they get you accustomed to things that will be stripped away from you later on in life. Things like recess, or field trips, or most of all, nap time.

When you’re a little kid just starting out in academia, you get to have nap time. Or siesta for my vato’s…How can you  get a young lad all strung out on naps when his soft, gelatinous boy-brain is just starting to develop, and not expect him to spend the rest of his life chasing the sleeping dragon? … Who doesn’t love school sanctioned nap time? Little kids don’t, that’s who. They cry and they fuss and they won’t lie still. They disrespect the time-honored tradition of peaceful slumber, as well as dishonor the memories of all the men and women who fought and died to secure them the god given right to sleep for short periods of time during daylight hours.

I personally don’t understand why we waste all this precious nap time on ungrateful children who don’t appreciate it. Allow me some nap time during a work day and I’d appreciate it all right. I’d appreciate the sweet fuck out of it, and then upon waking I would graciously thank you and probably throw in some genuine personalized compliment about how nice your haircut looks or how I would never guess just from looking at you that you were a level three sex offender. Then you would smile, which would make me smile. But then I would yawn, causing you to yawn. And then we would both laugh. Oh how we would laugh together.

Laughter is a good thing.

Napping is a good thing.

Kids are stupid.

Of course, I don’t mean your kids. They’re aces.

13 responses »

  1. sweetmother says:

    Naaaaaaaaps ! Love.

  2. free penny press says:

    I am a napper queen.. Take my nap away and it’s not going to be a pretty scene.. See, it’s ll the fault of the Kindergarten teachers, right?

  3. clownonfire says:

    Napping is not something we give the kids… It’s something we give ourselves: a fucking break.
    Le Clown

  4. John says:

    sign on my screened poorch in Fl. ” CARPE DORMIO” sieze the nap.

  5. John Granahan says:


  6. Winn says:

    Come to Viet Nam … many Vietnamese workers take 1 – 1.5 hour lunch breaks and nap after lunch. Depending on the business, I can expect that I will not be able to get any services between noon – 2pm. Napping is great if you can settle your mind … 🙂

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