Sometimes in life, you come across an invention that makes you think, I wish I thought of that. This is one of those things for me. I had a vaccum. I had hair. I had little to no self-respect. But I didn’t do it , and then some other hooker-bitch did it.  They made millions of dollars off of it too, and they are still selling them today. That’s right, you can still purchase a brand new, factory sealed Flowbee in this, the two thousand and twelfth year of our lord. Holy shit indeed!  I’ll admit I tried the thing once and it did make my hair less long, while also giving me the sexy feathered bangs that all growing boys secretly crave…. Now I know you might be thinking, ” But I have no formal cosmetology training, there’s no way I could possibly cut my own hair, by myself, in the privacy of my own trailer/van. Naked and all methed out like I usually is.” Hey I hear you, buddy. Listen, I would strongly suggest you at least wear cut-off shorts and a muscle shirt, and maybe do it when you’re feeling a little less methy. Safety doesn’t take a vacation, you know? Yeah you do. Everything you need to know about the how-to’s of this dynamic home haircutting system can be found in this two and a half-minute video. Actually it can be found in the first twenty seconds of the video, but it’s worth watching the whole thing for the extremely helpful insider tips like, “If you want an efficient fast haircut, cut it all one length”. Gee, thanks for showing me the fucking way, Flowbee-Wan Kenobi.

May the force be with you…..

6 responses »

  1. clownonfire says:

    I expect Flowbee to thank you for your post.
    Traffic to their website should increase drastically with your blog as a referrer.
    You might even receive a free sealed Flowbee as a show of appreciation.
    And perhaps will they ask you to be a model for a future Youtube “cut it all one length” instructional video.

  2. billmcmorrow says:

    Oh Clown,if only such things would happen. But I’ll probably have to pay full retail for my new Flowbee, as I have done yearly since 1988. Those fucking cheap pricks.

  3. sweetmother says:

    my father in law cuts his hair with a flowbee. i’m not kidding. it’s the most ridiculous thing i’ve ever seen. so, of course, i loved this post.

  4. billmcmorrow says:

    Hahaha, they sold millions of them. A good friend of mine had one when I was younger and I used it once. It just felt weird, not like the refreshing vacuum haircut their website promises.But I did get that “trendy” haircut. My wife is a hairdresser(or is it hair attendant nowadays) and everyonce in a while I say “I’ll just use the Flowbee”. Then we laauuuuuuggghhhhhh! Haha! Thanks Sweets.

  5. saradraws says:

    What blows me away is that kids these days are willing to experiment. Or do something really wacky like have hair that’s short on the sides and long on top. The world is going to hell in a handbasket and Flowbee is leading the way.

    • billmcmorrow says:

      Short on the sides, long on top. Or any possible combination you can dream of. I like when the guy says “I pretty much have that trendy haircut”. Ohhhhh technology, you make me laugh. Thanks for checking it out Sara.

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