I Learned It By Watching You, TV.

Some of the most important things I have learned in my forty plus years were taught to me via the magic of television. More specifically, the public service announcement. Those commercials with a purpose, designed to make you a better person than the sorry sack of shit that you are. Hypothetically speaking. Not you personally. You got it going on. You’re a winner. So I thought us winners could look back on some of these life lessons, and maybe quantify the effect they have had on all of us. Or just on me.

The thing that always struck me as funny in this commercial is that the father keeps telling his son to answer him, whilst the son is trying to answer him. No wonder everyone’s getting high in this family. There’s no communication. Just bickering, and possible child abuse. That dad’s a hot head pothead.I also think it’s a sad world we live in when a kid can’t hide his weed in his own closet without his mother going all covert ops on his shit. She’s really the villain here and we shouldn’t overlook that fact. This particular PSA has had a lasting effect on my life. To this day I will occasionally tell someone “I learned it by watching you”. Then they laugh. Then I laugh. Then we get high. Good times all around.

This is one of the most talked about PSA’s, and I get it. Hot pan. Fragile egg. Sizzling brain cells. But I watch this and I just want breakfast. Also, this dude is cooking that way too high. That’s the problem. I ordered my eggs over easy. That yolk is toast. Mmmmmm, toast. I’d like to speak to the manager please.

He-Man wants you to know it’s not okay for someone to touch your goodies unless you want your goodies touched. I want He-Man to know he should have maybe covered up a little bit  for this message, a t-shirt(with the sleeves cut off, ’cause he’s so jacked) and sweatpants or something. I also wish he told me this before that sleepover at Snake Mountain. I shan’t forget what you did to me Skeletor. I’ve also always wondered if He-Man and She-Ra banged after this. You know…consensually. By the power of Greyskull.

I wouldn’t have told Mr.Robinson (or is it Robertson, I still don’t understand him. Enunciation, Alfonso.) I broke his window. That dude was a dick. Just between you and me I heard he was known for breaking a few windows of his own, back in the day. If you know what I mean. Listen man, accidents happen. That’s why they don’t call them onpurposadents. He’s sorry,  and he apologized. In sing-song fashion. In front of his friends. Oh, I bet he took shit for that.  But Old Man Robinson/Robertson couldn’t get away with manhandling Carlton Banks like that circa 2K12 though ’cause Uncle Phil would have his ass. Also, that hug at the end went on a little too long. A hugs gotta end sometime.

I never saw this PSA, but I stumbled across it while finding these other videos. It’s from the 1950’s so you know this advice is meant for white straight god fearing males. Hey I don’t make the fake rules, I just enforce ’em. I have watched it a few times and I’ve definitely learned a few things.

#1-Hitch-hiking is still as cool as ever.  Sure you might get molested or decapitated, or molested and decapitated by a crazed sex killer, but gas is almost four bucks a gallon, so……..

#2- Don’t accept rides from John Waters.

#-3 Homosexuals ARE everywhere. It’s almost like they’re people. Who’da thunk it?

In closing, try to be better America. TV’s watching you.