I was on Facebook a couple of weeks ago.
It’s this new website that people go on to remember why they hate other people. I was scrolling through the usual stuff. E-cards detailing how much people like vodka. Memes about how much someone wants to punch someone else in the face. Pictures of abused children that I’m supposed to “like” to prove I don’t like child abuse. You know. Facebook.
I came across a post from Bose stereo about a chance to win a trip to The Sasquatch Festival at The Gorge Amphitheatre in George, Washington. Seriously, they hold a four-day music festival inside the preserved remains of this country’s first president. The man they call the father of our country. Good old Honest Abe.
There’s a chance that The Gorge may be in Quincy, Washington and not George, Washington. Google can’t seem to make up its mind. Silly Google. But it works better for the particular pun that I was trying to do there. Although I guess I could have said that they hold the festival inside the preserved remains of Jack Klugman.
I’m sure most of you got that reference. You’re a smart bunch. I always say that about you guys to myself.
I clicked on the contest link to see if I had to like or share the post in order to enter, because I won’t do that. I don’t want to be your little errand boy, wearing your company name on a sandwich board while tourists throw half-pennies at my face and genitalia, telling me to dance for Daddy. Goddamn tourists and their half-pennies.
But I didn’t have to play the role of Don Draper for them, having to come up with all these fancy ideas to lure the suckers in the doors. Nor did I have to play Joan Harris and fuck some creepy dude just to make partner.
All I had to do was enter some basic information such as, name, address, phone number, email address and favorite sexual position. I was kidding about the last one. I didn’t have to tell them my favorite sexual position, I told them because I wanted to. I feel it’s always a good way to make someone’s acquaintance by trying to sex them up hardcore right off the bat. But I’m old-fashioned like that.
So I entered my information and I moved on with my life.
Cut to last Monday afternoon. I noticed that I had two missed calls from the same number a few minutes apart from each other. They didn’t leave a voicemail, so naturally I assumed it was a bill collector of some sort.
Looking to shake me down for the money Columbia House Records and Tapes says I owe them from 1983. Even though I know for a fact that I checked NO on the selection of the month postcard and sent it back. So I shouldn’t have been charged for that Quarterflash album.
About forty-five minutes later, I got another call from the same number. I was going through the process of googling the number to see who it was when a voicemail popped up. It was from Live Nation Entertainment. They were calling to congratulate me on being the winner of the Sasquatch/Bose VIP Experience contest.
Airfare, hotel, rental car, $500 walking around money, 2 four-day VIP tickets, and we’re going backstage to meet The Lumineers. Pretty sweet deal.
I informed my sweet beautiful baby lady wife Nicole that I was a “Grand Prize Winner”, and we were going away to Washington State for Memorial Day weekend to meet The Lumineers.
She informed me that she wanted to visit Forks, Washington while we’re there. She’s a big Twilight fan, it’s adorable. I’m thinking about asking her to the prom.
I should mention that The Lumineers album has been played in heavy rotation at the McMorrow household for the past year. It has also been in my car stereo that whole time. I don’t mean to brag, but it’s a six CD changer, so I can listen to other things too.
Don’t treat me any differently, I’m just “one of the guys”.
Oh, did I mention that it’s a Bose stereo in my car? I didn’t? Well there you go. Unbelievable, right? We also have a Bose SoundDock and a Bose home theater system.
We earned this.
When I played the voicemail for my wife, she said, ” What are you talking about? It’s obviously a scam. What contest? You should probably call them back and find out, you big beautiful bastard!!”.
Adorable, I tell you.
I heeded my wife’s sage advice and called the number back. Sure as shit, I won the thing. They emailed me a bunch of paperwork to sign and return to them. Which I did promptly. A couple of days later I was contacted by the travel people with arrangements for the trip. We fly out of Logan on Thursday morning, and come back on Tuesday night. Actually 1:35 Wednesday morning.
So many bands to see. Mumford and Sons, Elvis Costello, Primus, Dropkick Murphy’s and more. Plus a lot of independent music that I’ve been trying to listen to in order to figure out who I need to see. The Tallest Man On Earth is one that I’ve just become hooked on. He’s performing on the Sasquatch stage Sunday from 4;20 to 5:20.
It’s written down in the book. We will be there.
There’s also some great comedians that are performing there. Tig Notaro, Mike Birbiglia, Bret Gelman. If there’s one thing you need to know about me, I love to laugh. If there’s two things you need to know about me, then you need to cut the shit and stop being so nosy. I’m a private man. Give me some space.
Anyways, the whole thing is pretty phenomenal. Whatever though, no big deal.
It’s only like I just won the Showcase Showdown on The Price Is Right, but no big whoop.
Any suggestions as to what bands we should check out while we’re there? I’d love to know what you think.
Help a boy (and his girl) out!