Bose Prize Pack

Bose Prize Pack

My wife and I got back from the all expenses paid trip to the Sasquatch Music Festival at The Gorge Amphitheatre in George, Washington early Wednesday morning. It was a really exhausting 5 days, but I am so glad we experienced it.

I am going to recap the trip with a post covering each day, because so much awesomeness was crammed into so little time.

May 23, 2013

We arrived at Logan International Airport at the ungodly hour of six o’clock in the morning. Oh, I realize that six AM is not early for a teeny tiny majority of you people out there. But for the least of us it’s like, “What?! That time actually exists? I thought it was just an old wives tale used to scare small children into doing the Lord’s bidding and such”.

But it does exist and it’s ugly and I don’t want to talk about it any further as it infuriates me ever so much. But I shall continue on, for you. Dear sweet reader.

I'll take an iPhone 5. Oh, not that Apple?

I’ll take an iPhone 5. Oh, not that Apple?

We were flying out at eight o’clock on Alaskan Airlines to Seattle-Tacoma, and that only took like six and a half hours. Which is roughly three and a half hours longer than I have spent on a plane before. We flew coach, which didn’t feel “very important personish” to me. I’ve always envisioned VIP’s as flying first class. But maybe that’s just the burden I bear from watching one too many episodes of Gilligan’s Island. Damn you and your spend foolish ways, Thurston Howell the Third!!

I don’t understand why other airlines don’t follow Jet Blues lead and install televisions in all the seats. Talk about an opiate for the masses. It make the whole experience that more enjoyable. Alaskan Airlines doesn’t have a television in the seat, but they have handheld video players that you can rent for $10. There are seven or eight new release movies and some television shows downloaded onto them, so it’s a pretty good deal.

Pangborn airport

Pangborn airport

Of course they only take credit cards and not cash. Probably because they don’t want to get robbed during the flight. Then the flight attendant would have to sit there with the robber while the plane taxied to the terminal, making small talk while waiting for the captain to turn off the seatbelt sign so the robber could escape. That would suck. I mean what would you talk about, besides the armed robbery?

I rented two players, one for myself and one for my lovely wife Nicole. She said, “Why don’t we just share one?”, and I said,”My sweet beautiful baby lady gets her own video player, as long as it only costs me no more than ten American dollars!”. I can be quite charming when the price is reasonable.

We watched Oz the Great and Powerful and Life of Pi on the trip. I thought Oz was pretty good, although I dozed a little during it. I know it didn’t get great reviews, but I dig Daniel Desario and Jackie Burkhart, so I’ll watch it again at home. Life of Pi was also interesting. But I didn’t know it involved a sinking ship. I don’t think any movie with a serious accident involving the death of people should be allowed on a plane, if I can’t bring more than three ounces of fucking liquid on there.

When in Seattle...

When in Seattle…

We got to Seattle-Tacoma International Airport a little early. Which was nice, because I didn’t think our original three and a half hour layover was going to be enough time to enjoy all the airport had to offer. There was that gift shop I really wanted to see, and then that other gift shop, too. We ate at a place called Alaska Lodge that had three things on the menu and none of them seemed appealing. But turning down a mediocre $12 chicken sandwich has never been my strong suit. So I had to do it.

One of the great additions to airports has been the charging stations for portable electronics. It’s nice to be able to watch a movie on Netflix or something to make the time pass by without draining your battery. It’s also good if the airport gift shop runs out of your favorite skin mag and you have to masturbate at the airport the old-fashioned way. With internet porn. Like God and the Wright Brothers and Al Gore intended.

Yeah, interest in jerking off in the airport.

Yeah, interest in jerking off in the airport.

When our wait was up, we walked out on the tarmac to a prop plane for the 35-40 minute flight to Wenatchee. We boarded and took our seats. I would like to go on record as saying that I think that prop planes suck. I don’t want to be able to see the engine stop. Some secrets are meant to be kept all the way to the ground. At least with a jet plane the captain can just make jet noises over the intercom right up until the point of impact.

The couple in front of us were stowing their bags in the overhead compartment when Nicole said, “They have Bose tags on their luggage too”. My lady is wicked perceptive.

Amy and Joe are from Nebraska and won the contest to have lunch with the group Capital Cities. They were booked at the same hotel as us and we hit it off from the get go.
When we landed in Wenatchee and got off the plane we all went outside the little airport to smoke a butt. Because I’m a vacation smoker now. I ripped butts all long-weekend long.

All cool boys smoke on vacation.

All cool boys smoke on vacation.

Don’t worry, I already quit again.

We made the eight mile drive to the Holiday Inn Express and checked in. It was a nice, clean place, and the staff at the front desk were very friendly. But not in one of those creepy, “I’m a serial killer and I’m going to fool my victims into thinking we’re best friends before I skin them alive for my sexual pleasure” ways. Which is a good thing. I think.

There’s a Wendy’s restaurant located right in front of the hotel, so we got some food to bring back to the hotel. I usually don’t eat fast food, you know, because I don’t trust teenagers to handle foodstuffs in a safe and hygienic fashion. But I was pretty hungry since it had been forever since that mediocre $12 chicken sandwich. So I rolled the dice on a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger, hold the DNA.

Then we settled in for the night to rest our weary travelers bones in preparation for Day one of the Sasquatch Music Festival.

Up Next: Let The Games Begin!

26 responses »

  1. I’m so excited we get to go on an adventure with you. I love vicarious traveling.

    I’m equal parts curious and horrified about the porn at the airport. People don’t really buy porn at the airport, right? That just kind of makes me sad.

    • It’s so weird that they sell it there. Especially in the digital age where people could be so much more discrete. I love how they keep them right above the travel magazines, because men are also interested in that as well.
      It was a really crazy weekend. It was awesome.

      • Maybe it’s for the impulse-buy factor. “Oh, I really want to read about travel. Hey, what’s this? Scantily-clad women? Well! Just what I always wanted while on a very important business trip!”

  2. The Cutter says:

    I guess people are buying porn at the airport, or else they wouldn’t sell it, right? But that just seems all sorts of awkward.

  3. Smaktakula says:

    The Gorge at George! I saw Tom Petty there about a million years ago.

  4. First: Damn! I can’t believe I didn’t send you a list of things to do at SEATAC. Call me nuts, but I actually love that airport. When I have a layover, I plan it all out. Seriously. Nothing like Logan. I’ll give Logan points for Dunkin Donuts, but all comparisons end there. Second, well, I just don’t know if I can read the rest. I thought of you all weekend (don’t tell Nicole, she may take it wrong) and I’m still jealous. Like green. Wicked fucking green. But, I may read a paragraph or two… just to see which bands you chose. Um, no maybe not. Still green.

  5. Phil Hines says:

    i read what you write and find it entertaining and want to read more …and then my internal thought prossess has a stroke trying to comprehend that this is the same fuck that years ago dumped a big bag of tang in the back of carls car just for laughs …this is a much better use of you powers … waiting for day two…

    • Hahaha, thanks for reading it Phil. Just the fucking mention of Tang and now all I can smell is mango. I do not miss that shit at all. I’m hoping to have the next part up tonight or tomorrow at the latest. So much great shit happened over the course of five days!

  6. […] you read Part One of this journey, otherwise you might think that I am a connoisseur of airport stroke books. When in […]

  7. […] if you’ve been following along with Part One and Part Two of this story, you have a basic idea. I’m exhausted just writing about it. I […]

  8. tracy fulks says:

    Although I am tempted to just put a simple “like” I will expand on that thought a bit.

    I’ve been seriously dying to have enough time away from my vagina to sink my teeth into this tale. I mean, for fucks sake, my facebook feed has been all “sasquatch music festival” for a week now, and I didn’t even know that sasquatch was a musician.

    Apparently, I have a lot to learn on this journey. So lead the way Billy blue eyes, I’m strapped in for the ride.

    Tracy

  9. SocietyRed says:

    Seriously awesome to read about your trip Bill. And seriously pissed I wasn’t there. Off to day 2…

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