Image via Google search for “Fuck That Noise”

The Friday after Thanksgiving is known as Black Friday. It is a day in America where we harness the power of all our pent-up rage over the things that we are not thankful for, and use it to physically assault our fellow citizens under the guise of capitalism.

Wait I can save $20 on this VCR? Well then, Nana must die.

No, Nana doesn’t need to die for you to get your precious wildly outdated piece of equipment. Nana doesn’t even need to get her arm broken, even though she always stiffs you on your birthday because she needs her monies for medication, so she kind of deserves it.

You don’t need to camp out in front of the local Wal-Mart or Best Buy or Woolworth’s or Zayre’s. It’s insane to put yourself at risk by sleeping in front of a store when any crazy person could just saunter up and fondle your junk. Now you can just wait for the following Monday and safely do your shopping online whilst fondling your own junk. Thats right, we’re talking about Cyber Monday.

Legend tells that the Monday following Thanksgiving shall from hence forth be known as Cyber Monday. It is the day we celebrate and remember the cyborg army that fought, and died, alongside General Custer at the Or at least that’s what wikipedia told me.

To remember these brave man-chines, online retailers offer incredible savings on all types of goods and sundries. From electronics, to clothing, to sex toys, Cyber Monday offers all of the best deals.
It also allows us to ponder an age-old question that has perplexed mankind since sweet baby J was born in that manger, no crib for his bed.
“Should I pay extra for overnight shipping on this vibrator?”
Yes. Yes, you should. You deserve it.

9 responses »

  1. You must not buy many sex toys via the world wide web, Bill. Anyone who knows anything about vibrators can get that overnight shipping for free ANY day of the week.

  2. I agree that the overnight shipping for sex toys really is worth it. Sometimes the Mom & Pop stores don’t have all the things I want in stock, but it’s true, the personal attention can’t be beat. Except that I like the automatic recommendations from the websites: “You recently purchased the Bucking Bronco—we think you might like the Battering Ram too.”

    • The best part of the Mom and Pop stores are the disapproving glances they give you when you take the Fist of Fury into the dressing room.

    • Well Weebles this just countered my point I tried to make. Touche. You can’t beat the prior purchase based recommendations. However, I think mom and pop can offer this if you are a very repeat customer. Once you buy a Sybian (sp?) and all the Twisted Asians videos they’ll remember you and start to “get” your tastes.

      • Plus Mom and Pop stores also generally have the best complimentary candy dish set up going. Try going into a Wal-Mart for a fleshlight or ben-wa balls and see if they offer you any Werther’s Originals. They shan’t.

  3. Guys, that’s why we have Small Business Saturdays! Don’t buy your vibrators from the big chain stores when there are small independent smut peddlers out there that need the business.

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