The Friday after Thanksgiving is known as Black Friday. It is a day in America where we harness the power of all our pent-up rage over the things that we are not thankful for, and use it to physically assault our fellow citizens under the guise of capitalism.
Wait I can save $20 on this VCR? Well then, Nana must die.
No, Nana doesn’t need to die for you to get your precious wildly outdated piece of equipment. Nana doesn’t even need to get her arm broken, even though she always stiffs you on your birthday because she needs her monies for medication, so she kind of deserves it.
You don’t need to camp out in front of the local Wal-Mart or Best Buy or Woolworth’s or Zayre’s. It’s insane to put yourself at risk by sleeping in front of a store when any crazy person could just saunter up and fondle your junk. Now you can just wait for the following Monday and safely do your shopping online whilst fondling your own junk. Thats right, we’re talking about Cyber Monday.
Legend tells that the Monday following Thanksgiving shall from hence forth be known as Cyber Monday. It is the day we celebrate and remember the cyborg army that fought, and died, alongside General Custer at the battleoflittlebighorn.com. Or at least that’s what wikipedia told me.
To remember these brave man-chines, online retailers offer incredible savings on all types of goods and sundries. From electronics, to clothing, to sex toys, Cyber Monday offers all of the best deals.
It also allows us to ponder an age-old question that has perplexed mankind since sweet baby J was born in that manger, no crib for his bed.
“Should I pay extra for overnight shipping on this vibrator?”
Yes. Yes, you should. You deserve it.