Boston, You’re My Home

It’s been three days since the terrorist attack on the Boston Marathon. Make no mistake about it, it was a terrorist attack. I realize that politicians have to choose their words carefully, but I don’t. This was an act of terrorism. It was designed to terrorize people. It was designed to disrupt lives and to instill fear and confusion into the ordinary citizen. Whether it was foreign or domestic is one thing, but either way it was most assuredly terrorism.

Marathon Monday holds a special place in the hearts of the people of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, for the following reasons.

• Every year the Boston Marathon is held on Patriots Day. It’s a state holiday that commemorates the Battles of Lexington and Concord, the first military engagements of the Revolutionary War. You know, the war that made America? When the guys from Boston, the New England Patriots, decided to hide in the trees and wait for the English dudes to come shuffle-stepping up the middle of the road in their shiny red suits before they jumped out yelling “Surprise!!” and shooting them in their stupid faces. “Don’t shoot until you see the whites of their eyes” was their mantra. Do you know how close you have to be to a man to see his eye-whites? That’s some up close and personal business.  That’s like point-blank range. Who needs a gun, we’ll just push the bullet into you. That’s badass… Patriots Day is a day that most people have off from work, unless they work at some shitty company that doesn’t love or respect the colonists who fought and died for the very freedoms that we take for granted today. Those businesses suck and should be boycotted and/or have their goods dumped into Boston Harbor until they admit that they’re just filthy redcoat sympathizers. Then we, as a society, should jump out of the bushes, hold them down, and give them pink-bellies and wet willies until they cry for their Queen.

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  Image via Google Images

• The Boston Red Sox always play a home game at 11 in the morning on Patriots Day. Which is crazy early for a game of professional baseball to be played. It’s an annual way of saying, “Hey Spring/Summer, how have you been? I’ve missed you something fierce this long cold Winter and would love nothing better than to drink some wicked overpriced beers, hold your hand, maybe do a little tongue kissing and then be home in bed by 4 PM. Let’s do it at Fenway Paaaahhhhhkkk!!!” When the game gets out, fans flock down into Kenmore Square, which is around the 25 mile mark of the marathon. It’s a massive celebration as the runners come through for the final mile of the race. Jubilant and inebriated spectators screaming, egging the runners on for the home stretch. The energy is palpable. It’s a beautiful sight to see.

• The Boston Marathon is THE marathon. Every year, tens of thousands of runners from across the globe descend on the hub of the universe to test themselves both physically and mentally against the 26.2 mile journey from Hopkinton to Boston.  Heartbreak Hill is legendary in its treacherousnessness. Yeah, I made up that word, I do that sometimes when I feel like it fits the situation. Believe me, it really does fit. I get winded just driving a car up Heartbreak Hill. In fact, even typing Heartbreak Hill makes me a little wheezy. But just a little. Over half a million spectators a year come out to watch these athletes fulfill their dreams of finishing the Boston Marathon. Thousands of people line the streets along the whole 26.2 miles of the course, handing out water and words of encouragement to the runners. Imagine that? Human beings showing compassion and empathy towards complete strangers? In this day and age? Unheard of. It’s just a feel good time. Plus with the millions of people watching at home on TV, it really feels like a global event.

And it is a global event, but it’s also our event.  It’s Boston’s event.

I have never even run in the marathon, but it’s still MY marathon. Every year, I can’t wait for spring so I can start making jokes about why I’m not running in the marathon that year.

• “Once again, I forgot to turn in my application on time, and the Boston Athletic Association are total sticklers about following the rules. Bunch of dicks.”
• “Rent-A-Center didn’t have any unitards available in a Boy’s husky, and I’m not cramming my junk into a Girl’s Intermediate again.”
• “I forgot to get my good running shoes resoled and now my cobbler is on vacation. I know I could just have his apprentice fix them, but never trust a boy to do a man’s job. What’s that? Why don’t I just but new sneakers?…. Why don’t you mind your own business?”
• “Funny thing dude, I started driving down 95 South to go to Hopkinton and the next thing I know, I’m at Foxwoods!”
• “I would run the marathon, but I think I’m allergic to whatever material that those shiny blankets that they wrap around you at the end of the race are made out of. So better safe than sorry.”

These cowardly acts that were perpetrated against the people of Boston, and the world, will not go unpunished. I’m sure of that. The people who did this will be found and dealt with. Whether they be Muslim terrorists hell-bent on the downfall of America, or some homegrown shitstick who googled “How to make a bomb” makes little difference to me. In the end, their rationale for their actions do not matter, because their actions are unjustifiable. Evil is evil, period. End of argument.

In closing, I just wanted to say that I have always gotten chills when I hear the Star Spangled Banner. Every single time in my life that I’ve heard it, since I was old enough to understand it, it has given me goose bumps. Mostly during the land of the free, home of the brave part. It’s just a thing that happens, I can’t help it. But the rendition of this country’s national anthem before the Boston Bruins game two days after this tragedy, with 17,000 people singing in unison, is beyond compare. It made me proud of my city and her people. MY people.

Boston Strong, indeed.

Anyone wishing to make donations to the many, many people affected by this senseless act of violence are asked to donate to The One Fund

I’m sure there are many more charitable organizations that are accepting donations, just take the time to research before you donate. That’s what Google is for, people. Here’s a checklist to help you out.

The American Red Cross is ALWAYS in need of blood donors.

Thank you to all the Police, Firefighters, Paramedics, EMT’s and just ordinary citizens who stepped forward when maybe the natural instinct would be to step back. Your quick thinking and selfless behavior prevented this from becoming an even greater catastrophe. Thank you to the Doctors, Nurses, and all the staffs at the numerous world-class hospitals in and around the city.  Your tireless efforts to save the lives and limbs of so many should not, and will not go unnoticed. You are ALL superheroes personified.

Yeah…. that’s what MY city does.